On Fuk Street
So, I have been in Hong Kong for nearly two months and I love every second of it. It’s an absolutely fantastic city with super nice people, great nightlife, fabulous food and more gadgets than you could shake a stick at (although I don’t know where that stupid fucking phrase comes from….who shakes sticks at things?). But the one thing that I really love is the random laughs I get from random things. Signs are definitely one of those things and I’d thought I’d share this one I found this past weekend while adventuring in the New Territories.
I was playing this game the other day and was told that my idea of marrying Elizabeth Hasselback was stupid because she was a right wing nut job. But you have to admit, she’d be more enjoyable in bed than Joy Behar or Whoppie Goldberg.
I did a video months ago about a guy I knew in the Marine Corps that was from Boston. He is probably one of the characters that stands out the most in those 4 fun filled years. His ability to insert an F-Bomb into sentences multiple times was nothing short of masterful. Anyway, I did my impression of him and put it up on youtube and to this day I get emails and comments telling me I’m a dick, a fag, a liberal cocksucker, unintelligent, a liar and that I FAKED….yes FAKED knowing someone from boston. The last one really got me because I had no idea that people faked knowing someone from Boston. I mean why would you fake it??? For the money? For the fame? For the girls? The answer is ALL THREE BABY!!!
Here is a little email exchange between me and one of Southie’s resident brain surgeons:
your the biggest fucken asshole I ever met fuckface you fucken moron you can’t even try to mock a guy from southie I don’t believe you ever met a fucken guy from fucken southie you fucken phoney you probably were never in the service either you fucken fake get real asshole.
Fox Battery 2/11 1st Mar Div 91-95 Camp Pendleton (Las Pulgas)
Friend from Southie was Jim Fennessey.
Why in the fuck would I fake meeting a guy from Southie? Is Southie THAT cool that people fake meeting people from there?
HAHA! You use aol!
Now go stroke some pole you flaming faggot.
jim fennessey rymes with jim hennessy your a fucken fake and you know it give me one solid thing you know about this fictatious friend of yours i’ve lived in this town for 53 years i know everybody in it and your man is a fake ashole now go grease a window weight and shove it were the sun don’t shine i’me calling your bluff give me some info fuckface.
This is some kind of joke right? There is no way you are emailing a guy who put a video on youtube because you think he is faking knowing someone from Southie. If you really ARE emailing me hoping to uncover some great conspiracy I will save you some trouble……YES I am responsible for 9/11. I also killed Kennedy and MLK. I can live with you knowing those things but the fact that you are getting close to uncovering the ‘Southie Conspiracy’ is too much and you have to be killed. Someone will be there shortly.
Seriously though dude, are you for real? If you really feel the need to track my Marine Corps buddy down all I know is he is either 39 or 40 now and has the thickest Southie accent ever. He says fuck and fuckin inbetween every other word and quite frankly he may not be the brightest buld in the bunch. He was a cool dude though. If you manage to track him down give him my email.
Don’t forget to take your meds!!!
just to answer you question weather southie was that cool to fake knowing someone from there well i guess hollywood thinks so theve made five movies about this shithole and two won OSCARS so put that in you pipe and smoke it fuck balls
you know the funniest thing about this whole thing is that i got you fucken crazy over nothing and i’ll gladly share my meds with you or give you her name she can probably give you some help nut bag.
So you think I am trying to win an Oscar? On Youtube?
To be honest you happen to be the funniest person I have met yet on the internet. I’m not sure if you are trying to be but you are. You should do videos!!! You can call everyone yuppie and curse and shit. And if you have a strong Southie accent people will love it. You’ll be like Toll Booth fuckin Willie!
I’m not crazy over anything. I kinda think you’re funny and so far I have enjoyed our conversation. Just cause I tell ya to fuck off doesn’t mean I’m having a bad time. What kinda meds you got to share?
One of the things I was happy to see a lot of here in Hong Kong when I arrived was 7-11s and Circle-Ks. They are quite similar to the 7-11 you might frequent near you but there are some noticeable differences. For example in Hong Kong instead of hotdogs you would probably buy some cuttlefish balls or some rolled noodles. Oh and you can buy hard alcohol at these 7-11s which is quite frankly awesome.
My favorite thing about Hong Kong 7-11 was at first quite a puzzle to me. Every time I paid for my stuff the cashier would give me these little cute stickers with what looked like a Hello Kitty character on it. I had no idea what the fuck it was for but I kept them. Through the weeks I have gathered quite a few. So today I bought a shitload of stuff and the cashier wanted to know if I wanted the stickers or if I just wanted to cash them in. Cash them in? Yes please!! What I got was the Kitty looking thing in the above picture. Tomorrow I am going back with my sticker collection and I am coming home with a whole litter of these things. Thanks 7-11!! Now I don’t have to buy xmas gifts!
9/11 opinion polls – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I am so sick of the ’9/11 Truth Movement’. Not all ‘truthers’ are bad mind you. But there is a large group of them still clinging to the idea that there was no plane at the pentagon or that the towers were brought down by a controlled demolition or that United 93 was shot down by a jet. You can’t argue with these people either. They KNOW what they know and anyone who disagrees is either a stupid sheep or in on the whole thing. What I hate most though are the unanswered questions that come with their theories should their theories be correct.
Ok, let’s assume Flight 77 did NOT crash into the Pentagon. Here are the questions that brings up:
1. If you belive the days’ events were planned and executed by a single group and you believe that planes did actually crash into the Twin Towers then why would that same group only PRETEND to fly a plane into the Pentagon? It makes absolutely zero fucking sense. Even the most hard core conspiracy theorists do not question the fact that planes crashed into the towers, yet they do question one crashing into the Pentagon. Why? Why? Why? Why? For the life of me WHY!!!!?????
The only people that believe this are people with ZERO logic and reason skills. Absolutely fucking zero. THAT’S WHY!
2. Where the fuck IS flight 77? If it didn’t crash into the pentagon that means it landed somewhere and the people on it we’re either killed or imprisioned because they have never been seen again. So let me get this straight, they wanted everyone to think that a plane crashed into the pentagon killing everyone on board and instead of doing that they hit it with a missle and then took a real plane and flew it somewhere else, landed it safely, killed all the passengers and destroyed the plane? Who planned this thing, Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard?
3. Why did hundreds of people report seeing a plane crash into the Pentagon? Wait I know!!! As part of the plan, they hired agents to pretend to be normal people who would report seeing a plane even though they knew it was a missle attack……ummm…even though they actually did have a plane. Ya know, I think if I was involved with the planning stages I may have stood up and said “I have an idea, why don’t we just FLY THE PLANE INTO THE PENTAGON?”
I have to stop there because it is actually making my head hurt that there are real people who really believe this shit. It’s scary.
I think it speaks volumes about the people that visit your political website when you have to explicitly tell them they are not allowed to discuss ASSASINATION! Click the image for a larger size. Yes, the Hitler mustache was me.
While I have no delusions that I will be able to blog as much as I used to at least I now have a quick way to put shit on Toiletscribble via my blackberry. I’m kinda psyched. Sadly enough nobody ever comes here anymore I’m sure but if someone does, they are gonna see posts!!! Fuckin fantabulous.
So like….Obama huh? Fuckin aye!!!!
Testes testes one two….ahhhh three?
That’s right, Hong Kong! I am going to do a little blogging while here for a few months and since it did not really fit the theme of toilet scribble I put up a tumblr blog. If you are so inclined check out http://hongkongfitz.tumblr.com
Peace and Toilet Grease!
Oh what tangled webs we weave. I have been quite outspoken about douchebaggery and guys that drink jagaer bombs and pop their collars. Yet, last night while hanging out with my new work crew I found myself drinking not one but three jagaer bombs. It was followed by an Irish car bomb and then topped off with soco lime shots.
So there ya have it, I’m a douche and tonight I’m gonna pop my collar and gel my hair. You have my deepest apologies.