Hello all and welcome once again to ‘Ask Fitz’. Today I am fielding a question from Kyle Day who writes:
WHY DOES MY PENIS HURT?
Well Kyle, you are not giving me a lot of information here so I am going to just give you my top ten guesses. Before I begin though I would like to say that I feel for you my man. That has to suck a bit to have a penis in pain. I hope you get it straightened out.
So here you go, my ten possibilities for your painful penis.
1.You are jerking off 7 times a day. This is probably overkill and unless you stop interrogating the political prisoner so often you will continue to be in pain.
2. You accidentally cut your penis off and the pain you feel is just what they call ‘Ghost Pain’. In other words your body thinks your penis is still there but it is not. Just relax. If this is the case it will go away eventually and you will be penisless but no longer in pain. If this is what happened I am not sure why you didn’t realize that your penis was cut off.
3. While you slept someone hit you in the penis with a blunt object. You were probably drunk at the time and didn’t feel a thing but trust me….it hurt.
4. You were golfing and decided to use the ball washer in ways it was not meant to be used. Shame on you Kyle….shame.
5. You have taken an overdose of Cyallis or Viagra and your penis in not too happy with you. If you watched the commercials or read the bottle you would have known that erections lasting for more than 4 hours are not normal. You need to cut back on the meds and just get your boner the old fashioned way……porn.
6. You are wearing a rusty, sharp edged, male chastity belt. Stick to boxers.
7. Your best friend is having some sort of penis problems and you are having sympathy pains.
8. You had sex with a filthy hooker and you now have a communicable and painful disease. Always double bag the hog my friend.
9. You forgot to take off your cock ring.
10. Two words….Penis Pump.
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