F.A.Q.
Q: Are you trying to be funny?
A: Yes. That being said, if you do not find it funny that is quite alright. I can live with that.
Q: Are you trying to offend me?
A: Yes.
Q: What is an ‘ass gasket’
A: An ass gasket is the paper toilet seat cover that you use in public restrooms. It’s also a category of article on this site. Anything having to do with this site, for example a message about site downtime, would be filed as an ‘ass gasket’. It’s not eloquent and it may not be funny but every time I say ass gasket I crack up.
Q: What is Toilet Scribble?
A: Toilet scribble is the marker drawings and poems you see in public restrooms. For example you may have seen (in big bold magic marker) this litte gem:
Here I sit…broken hearted
Came to shit….but only farted
Q: What color is your hair?
A: Why do people keep asking? This should not be a frequently asked question.
Q: What is better, no sex but being rich or lots of sex but being poor?
A: There should be a third part of that question. It should read ‘or beating the crap out of me for asking that’. And that’s what I would choose.
Q: What is a quince?
A: The Quince (pronounced /kw?ns/), or Cydonia oblonga, is the sole member of the genus Cydonia and native to warm-temperate southwest Asia in the Caucasus region. It is a small deciduous tree, growing 5-8 m tall and 4-6 m wide, related to apples and pears, and like them has a pome fruit, which is bright golden yellow when mature, pear-shaped, 7-12 cm long and 6-9 cm broad.
Q: What do you like to do on hot summer days?
A: Who submitted these f&^king questions?
Q: Why are there so many questions? Should not an F.A.Q. be only FREQUENTLY asked questions?
A: Is this your website? Do I come to your house and ask you why you have so many forks in your cutlery drawer when all you really need is one per person and maybe like a couple more in case of company? No I don’t so stop with the questions already.
Q: How do you know how many forks I have or that I even have any forks or a cutlery drawer?
A: The reason I have a website and you do not have a website is because I am smart. I know things about stuff. For example, how many forks you own.
Q: Who even says ‘Cutlery Drawer’ anyway?
A: I’m just going to delete this question so please….stop wasting my time.
Q: Do you expect that people will actually read all these ’supposedly funny’ questions?
A: I know of at least two or three people that will (Hi Mom and Dad!)
Q: Who would win in a fight, George Carlin or God?
A: Trick question asshole, Carlin is God.
Q: I thought Carlin said that Joe Pesci was God?
A:He said he prays to Joe Pesci not that he was God.
Q: Who would win in a fight, George Carlin or Joe Pesci
A: Jesus Christ would you just stop with the dumb questions?
Q: Jesus wasn’t an option. Are you saying Jesus would intervene in the Pesci/Carlin fight and therefore win or are you saying that either Pesci or Carlin actually IS Jesus?
A: I’m saying that you are dumb for reading this whole page. Either I’m really funny or you are really bored (possibly a combination of both)
Q: Do you pronounce ‘F.A.Q.’ as (fak) or do you say each letter like “F” “A” “Q”
A: I say “FAK”.
Q: I see you have a donate page. Do you expect me to give you money?
A: Look at you, asking all these questions and expecting answers for free. Give me a dollar and I will answer. Until then go F yourself.
Q: Whopper or Big Mac?
A: This is a blog about funny shit and you want to know if I prefer a Whopper or a Big Mac? Tell ya what, donate a dollar on my donate page and I will make a video about what I prefer.
Q: Why stick figures?
A: Why not? Besides…..I can’t draw.
Q: Isn’t this FAQ a little ridiculous?
A: Have you read any of the other content on this site? Similar no?
Q: Where have you been the past few years? One report has you managing a gym? Can you tell us about that experience?
A: Managing a gym? You need a workout or something? Where do you people get your information from? This is ridiculous, I come on CNN and you guys don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Every time I do an interview some guy wants to open his mouth. You know what? Go fuck yourself.
