Since We Are Discussing Death
I just happened to stumble on an article about a recent rash of grave robbing incidents across the nation. It is apparently attributed to the lagging economy and the rising price of scrap metal. Brass is apparently what most vases are made out of in cemeteries. Who knew? Anyway, there was a quote in the story that made me think “Go fuck yourself douche bag”.
“I can’t think of anything lower,” said David Evans, general manager for Valhalla Gardens of Memory in Belleville. “Nothing’s worse than stealing from the dead.”
Really? Nothing is worse than stealing from the dead? How about stealing from the fucking living?? The interesting thing about stuff belonging to dead people is that they cannot use it. Why? Cause they’re FUCKING DEAD!! Is it disrespectful to steal from the dead, immoral and despicable? Absolutely! But there are far worse things that one can do.
Imagine hearing the following two things and tell me which one you think is worse.
You walk into your house and one of your loved ones has a very serious face on. they sit you down and say “Last night someone broke into the cemetery and stole the lovely brass vase from Grandma’s grave”.
or………
You walk into your house and one of your loved ones has a very serious face on. they sit you down and say “Last night someone broke into the cemetery and dug up Grandma’s grave and shit on her skull and then apparently performed a sex act with her right femur”.
Why do people always feel the need to exaggerate something bad and make it sound like the worst thing ever? Sometimes I wish I lived on an island with no people and just a few colorful birds that talked. Oh and lots of fish so I could eat. OK and maybe a few Amazon women.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Then when you die on your island, I’m gunna come steal your vase.
Sex act with a right femur…
*imagines*
*shudders*
Hmm never thought of it like that…..
the second one is the worst by far!
Erika recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..Friday Flashback - Erika Embarrasses Self for Sake of Blog
I think Skull Fucking is pretty bad.
Danielle recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..Gosh darn bladder!
I don’t think the island thing would work for you Fitz, especially after you croaked. Not only would Joker be stealing your vase but the colorful birds would probably be shitting on your skull and the Amazons going for your femur…
Skull fucking Grandma’s rotting cranial cavity? Mung with Uncle Frank’s already decomposed second wife? Exhuming little Cesar, who suffered from crib death, to use his little bony hands purely for the visual excitement? So you know what you do? Put out a fucking pewter vase!! Don’t put out any vase!! Get cremated!! Stuff mom is a mausoleum!!
I personally plan to be ground up little by little with a BRASS mortar and pestle and baked into an enormous empanada, with raisins, for all of the young children of my community to enjoy.
Joker - Why do you always have to shit on my parade? I was going to invite you to come to the island and play Rockband!
Ricky - don’t hurt yourself
Charlotte - as long as I am dead the birds can have their way with me. And the vase is covered in a fine poison I learned to make on the island so Joker is going to be covered in a nice painful rash if my vase is stolen
Erika - That’s actually the problem with a lot of phrases, nobody ever thinks about what they are saying or how ludicrous it might be. lol
Danielle - How about ’skull scat’? Definitely worse!
Krys Lee - Good idea! I just need to figure out how to cremate myself since I will be on my island alone
Fitz - No, no you misunderstand me. I’m not shitting on your parade, I’m hiding it from the femur-fucking amazons.
Don’t forget your watermelon on your island. LOL Might need it with all those Amazon women
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