Questions

Ask Fitz Answers: May 8th 2008

Well just hours after putting up the ASK FITZ page I am inundated with questions. People think they are going to get me bogged down with their questions but I am going to take it all in stride. Here are some answers:

Question 1:

Fitz, why is it that people are so threatened by gender issues in public bathrooms? I have friends who have short hair and dress in baggier clothes (boarder style) and have been kicked out of public bathrooms b/c someone thought they were a guy. Older women get really freaked by this and you can see younger girls putting their heads together and whispering and staring. This happens in cities, not just rural CT towns.

At the same time, I’ve been known to use the guys bathroom at a club when there is no line and the line for the women’s room is a mile long. Some guys get freaked by this when they walk in and there’s a woman washing her hands.

With individual stalls, who cares? Do people really think someone else is so desperate to see their genitalia that they’re going to sneak a peak in a public restroom?

Answer:

I think the answer to this is that some people are threatened and some are not. I have no problem taking a dump in the womens room but I do understand that some women might be offended having me in there. I also have no problem with women in the men’s room as long as they do not mind farts, grunting and the stench of poop.

I think the labels ‘Mens Room’ and ‘Womens Room’ are the real culprits here though. If you walk into a ‘Mens Room’ you have an expectation of only men being in the room. Same goes for ‘Womens Room’. The quick fix would be to label the rooms ‘Unisex Bathroom’ and people would expect to see both sexes. I don’t think society is ready for unisex bathrooms though. People are uptight. People are self conscious. It’s not going to change. I’m afraid you are just going to have to deal with it.

Question 2:

Your elevator rant inspired this one – why is there no “cancel” function for the floor buttons on the elevator? If I’ve pushed the wrong floor (was distracted, whatever) why can’t I re-push the floor button to cancel it?

Instead, I have to stand there while the door opens, pretend that I have no clue why the elevator stopped on the floor and then wait for the doors to close again so we can move on. If there are others on the elevator this is completely annoying to them and it MAKES ME CRAZY!

Answer: If you pushed the wrong button it’s your fault. The designers of the elevators did not intend for people to get on the elevator and randomly push buttons hoping it would take them where they wanted to go. I’m sorry but you are just going to have to learn to push the correct button. I can’t offer anything more.

I suggest you use the door opening on the wrong floor as an opportunity for fun. When the door opens scream “Dead man walking” and then let the door close and let anyone who heard wonder what the fuck just happened. Or just pop your head out and see if you can see anyone, if you door give them the finger and get back in.

Question 3:

Ummmmm I have a question for ya….What did you do to my computer????!!?? This shit f’n sloooooooooooow.

Answer: I didn’t do shit to your computer. I suggest you stop going to gay porn sites.

Question 4:

How much cock can you swallow?

Answer: I will assume you mean a male chicken. It really depends on how hungry I am and how it’s prepared. I would say I can swallow quite a bit.

Question 5:

How much water does the avg person have to drink on a daily basis and how does that break down per hour? Per minute? per second?

Answer: Obviously you are on the wrong website. I think you might be looking for www.iliketoaskpeoplestupidshit.com. However, I will take a stab at this. I am basing this on my daily intake of ZERO water. That breaks down to zero water per hour. Zero water per minute and zero water per second.

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