Ask Fitz, Questions

Ask Fitz: Two Questions Two Answers

Let’s switch things up a little and answer some questions in a video instead of text. This video runs a little long at 9 minutes. I’m sure 7 minutes of it should have been left on the cutting room floor but I don’t have a cutting room and besides, I get naked at the end of it so it’s worth the wait.

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  • http://www.spillitnow.blogspot.com Erika

    Congratulations on your iPhone.

    Erika recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..Yum!

  • Dawn

    Wait- you have an iPhone?

  • http://www.punchlinemagazine.com dylan

    thanks for the answers, Fitz. and for the plug. though your answer frightens me. i’ll never look at sushi the same way again.

  • Krys Lee

    Way to get naked buddy.. 9 minutes of garble about robots taking over the world, dudes acting like chicks; wondering who their secret crush is really interested in and how they can be just like that person, NUMEROUS mention of your precious Iphone (which I get enough of from my 16 year old brother).. I feel fucking cheated.. That was just like going on a really hot date with someone you’ve CONVINCED yourself is going to be the biggest turn-on since that kid that licked your earlobe in the 8th grade.. So you wait, and you wait, and you smile and nod while he talks about his homo-erotic gaming nights with his “hetero-soul mates”, that girl in the not so distant past who really taught him what heartbreak feels like, his loose and poorly thought out theories on the Mechanical Apocolypse (listen buddy, fuck the machines and start preparing for the undead, and even in the event of a MA, there’s no way in hell you’ve watched the Terminator series as many times as I have, I’m not impressed.) By the end of it, like at the end of this video, I come to the shamefully depressing realization that… No one brought the penis..
    Thanks Fitz.

    P.S. My search for “undressing irishmen” on youtube came up dry.

  • Krys Lee

    Wow.
    I want to very sincerely apologize to Fitz and everyone else for that ridiculous comment I just left. Not sure what’s wrong with me this morning.

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Krys Lee – I thought it was a fantastic comment

  • Danielle

    Krys lee – I think I went on a date with that same guy.

  • charlotte sometimes

    Holy shit, Fitz…hyper much? I had to watch this a couple of times just to get whateverthehellyouweretalkingabout.

    Caffeine is not always your friend. Nakedness is. Stop with the instant java and off with the clothes!

    Good answers though. I want Ryan to report back on how the homosexuality test went.

  • Krys Lee

    Danielle- Where can we both go to find a couple of big, tough, hairy, sex crazed men who want nothing more than to feed us a good dinner, serve us a few strong drinks and then show us their pride and joy?

    Fitz- Every time I hear/read you use the word Fantastic I hear the gay voice.. See all you had to do was say it that way once and now I’m ruined.

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Charlotte – I live on coffee

    Krys Lee – FANTASTIC!!!

  • Danielle

    Krys Lee – I already found mine, and I’m not sharing. I even tricked him into thinking he tricked me into marrying him, Sucka. But maybe one of these days I’ll divulge the semi-embarrassing place I met him.
    Until then, keep trying to find the elusive big hairy tough man who puts out food and protein. For every 15 bad dates, there is usually one OK one!

    Fitz – I can’t wait to get home and actually watch this video. The speakers don’t work on my work computer. And now that I know you don’t really get naked at the end, I’m not going to watch it without sound.

  • Joker

    Danielle – That 15:1 Ratio is required by the National Association of Men. We have a meeting every 6 months to decide things like… what is the best form of alcohol, and what to do with all our Japanese robots.

    Fitz – You lied to me… I’ve lost faith in you. *sniffle*

    Also – I like the kidnapping idea. I like it alot actually…. Hell, I’ll drive the van.

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Danielle – Get some damn speakers! How in the hell can you survive without toiletscribble ‘on demand’?

    Joker – It was a little white lie and Momma said it wouldn’t hurt nobody. Also, do you have a van?

  • Ricky

    Krys – big, tough (yet gentle), hairy, sex-crazed men? Let me give you my phone number. Its 606- *power outage*

    I guess you will never know!

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Ricky – how did you type “I guess you will never know!” with the power out?

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Dylan – I didnt notice your comment up there. You’re welcome! And wait till you hear about sushi!! Maybe I shouldn’t tell you about it actually

  • Ricky

    Fitz…I am just awesome like that.

  • Ryan

    FITZ!!! LOL the meat race is a competition at our local BBQ joint, they have an insane meat platter. Firs tone done wins. But your Answer was full of win too. Thanks for the input!
    -Ryan

  • Ryan

    Oh, and on the “in love thing” I’m totally not hehe

  • sabrina

    Further supporting the theory that Japanese and Asians in general ["Pan-Asians" OR "Pan-Fried Asians"] are obviously not human are the following FACTS:

    FACT: They get to choose their own names. Contrary to popular belief, this does not happen only in America. Nail salons are the most obvious example of this fact. Popular Nail Tech names include Sue, Young, SUNNY [or Sun], Grace, Ann, Kim, and Donna. They choose one of these direct pronoun gold nuggets instead of their “real” names, supposedly so that their ignorant American customers don’t improperly pronounce or forget their actual names. [Examples of actual asian names include Pan Sook, Ning San, An Young, On, Pihng Pohng, Nil Pang, Tat Pook, Loohk Nau, and Mami Wata.] The reality of the situation, Johnny, is that Pihng Pohng translates directly back to Grace and you have been fooled.

    FACT: Asians prefer things to be numbered because robots are person-shaped computers and computers interpret data using numbers. For example, when I call Magic Wok [914.769.5656 #1 Most Palatable Szechuan Cuisine in the greater Westchester area] I often order a #47 instead of Steamed Pork Dumplings, in order to bypass the information translation step.

    FACT: Asian advertising often utilizes cartoon imagery because Asians have identified with cartoons since the Jetsons pioneered the Robot Acceptance Movement [R.A.M.] by having a robotic “Hired Helper.”

    So, seeing as the above facts are clearly accurate, I’d say that we, as a dotcom collective, have made a HUGE, fantastic, and groundbreaking discovery in the field of anthropology.

    You have to figure that if we get away with a measly 1% of the astronomical finder’s fee, we’ll all be able to say “Fuuuuuuuck YOU!” [or "That idea is not fantastic, Krys,"] at our jobs within the month.

    My final thought is that my licensure also makes me a Nail Tech and I would prefer to be addressed as Sunny from this point forward.

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Sunny – I like your take on this! I think the menu ordering thing hit home the most. It makes so much sense! I once knew a Japanese girl named Pingh Pohng. She liked doing white lines and doing it on a table. If we hit this 1% finder’s fee we might be able to change the world…..all of us together….the toiletscribble collective.

  • Ricky

    True story…there was a foreign exchange student at my high school. His name was (and i’m not kidding) Phuc Le. This was funny.

    One day, one of my awesome teachers was at her computer and started dying laughing. She turned around and told me to come look. Sure enough, it was his full name: Phuc Hu Le.

  • http://www.toiletscribble.com fitz

    Ricky – It could only be better if her name was Phuc Me

  • sabrina

    Here are some Japanese names that I found by googling “Japanese Names.”

    ATASUSHI [#1], EUI, FUMIO, DAISUKE, GORO [Obvious good one,] HIDEAKI, HOTAKA, KAZUHIKO [Or KAZUHERO = Equally great,] MASASHI, NOBUYUKI, MITSUBISHI, KAWASAKI, SUBARU, SHIG, TAMOTSU [Or TIRAMISU,] and, because a classic never dies, YOSHI.

  • sabrina

    PS Fitz- The ToiletScribble Collective = Suburban New Jersey Emo/Punk Band operating out of your parents’ garage?

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