Where Do Umbrella People Come From?

Walking around in Manhattan you get used to lots of things. After a while even the most bizarre type of incident no longer fazes you. For example you might pass by a bum that is taking a poop in a garbage can and not even blink an eye. Or perhaps a naked tranny drives by you on a unicycle juggling bowling balls and you kind of just brush it off. That’s life in the big city, you see crazy crap daily and you get used to it.

Umbrella Man

But there are some things that just constantly perplex me no matter how many times I see it. One of the oddities that perplexes me the most is “The Umbrella People”. The umbrella people come out only when it rains and obviously they sell umbrellas. The weird thing is how they just seem to appear out of nowhere when the first drops of rain fall. It’s almost as if they live in the cracks of the sidewalk and when a drop of rain hits them they sprout up and start yelling “Umbrella Umbrella Umbrella….five dollars….five dollars”.

That’s right, five dollars for an umbrella that will probably last you until the first gust of wind hits. But if you forgot your umbrella what else can you do but bend over and take it in the kiester? What I want to know is where the hell do these guys and girls come from? What do they do for work when it’s not raining? Do they live like kings in April when it’s rainy but like paupers in the drier months? How much can they make during an average thunder shower? Where do they get their umbrellas from? Is there an umbrella mafia type organization that they work for?

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  • Joker

    You clearly have never been to Chicago. Here, it doesn’t matter what the weather is. Freezing? Have some Ice Cold bottled water for a dollar. I’ve seen some of these fools selling tube socks. That’s the one thing I don’t get is the tube socks. I doubt one person has ever woken up in the morning, checked their to-do list, saw they needed to buy tube socks and said to themselves “Hey. There is some guy on 55th and Kedzie selling tube socks for a dollar. I’m sure *he’s* legit. Let’s go buy socks from him.”

    Fucking rediculous.

  • fitz

    What if you forgot to wear tube socks altogether?

    Or what if you stepped in a puddle?

    See? Those guys are smart I tell ya.

  • Tracy

    I once heard a comedian say that umbrellas are just on loan from the universe. They are like batons passed on from one human to another and every once in awhile some one gets the red one. I think it’s true. After years of losing dozens of them, I have somehow accumulated close to ten “lost&found” umbrellas. Having said that, if you are missing an umbrella please contact me as I may be in possession of yours.

    Tracy recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..How to paint a wall mural.

  • fitz


    I am missing one. It is pink and has a picture of a lumberjack in leather chaps on top of it. The handle has glitter on it.

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