So an old friend of mine who has been reading my blog decided that because I bitch about so many things I must have a ‘broken vagina’. He forwarded me something called ‘Your Vagina: An Owner’s Manual‘. It was a joke but I read quite a bit of it anyway. I’m really glad I did and i am really glad I do not have a vagina. Why? Read on…
I have had a penis my entire life. No instruction manual. No quick start guide. No 800 number to call if something breaks, isn’t working or you have a question and definitely no warranty. But it has not been a problem for me and I would imagine it has not been a problem for nearly all men. It kinda takes care of itself and I have never found myself in a situation where I had to call a guy friend and ask his advice.
Apparently women do that all the time. They call a trusted friend and say “What does it mean if I see this or feel that or think I see the other thing”. Women have even told me that when together they sometimes will even show each other their vaginas and ask questions. WTF!? This obviously makes most guys think of some kind of lesbian fantasy but after reading this vaginal manual I totally get it. You gals need to help each other out for good reason….that thing is complicated!!
What’s a girl to do when she finds herself with low levels of vaginal pH? What do you do when you have a yeast infection? How do you know it even is a yeast infection? What is bacterial vaginosis? Bacterial vaginosis???? Yeah bacterial vaginosis. That’s the name of a condition in women where the normal balance of bacteria in the vagina (OMG I didn’t know there was bacteria in there) is disrupted and replaced by an overgrowth of certain bacteria. It is sometimes accompanied by discharge, odor, pain, itching, or burning. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!! I don’t even have a vagina and I am scared shitless!!!
Women of the world my hat is off to you. I did not know but I do now. The vagina is a complicated piece of equipment and you have a tough job. I am never going to have to worry about PH levels or KY Silk-E Vaginal Moisturizer. I will never have to get estrogen therapy or suffer from severe vaginal atrophy. I am in awe of you and your genitalia. Now let me go celebrate and relish in the fact that I have carefree genitalia and will never have to purchase anything embarrassing in a drug store (aside from perparation H maybe).
