I’m recently single and looking for love. What’s an internet addict like myself to do? Well, Internet dating sites of course! I’ll cover a lot more funny shit regarding online dating in future posts but what I want to address today is the use of the word “kayak” in dating profiles.
You see, every internet dating site gives you a little box to type 100 or so words in to describe yourself. Obviously you want to be as descriptive as possible so as to help dating prospects find you and say “Ahhh yes that sounds like the person I want to meet!”. It’s also a chance for some introspection, I mean how often do we really think about who we are? I filled my boxes with sarcastic wit as it was easier than telling the truth. I don’t need people knowing that I like to collect used condom wrappers and that I have sexual fantasies involving sheep, hip boots and Velcro gloves.
After saving my profile I quickly started to look at other profiles on the site. I was slack jawed to find out that apparently the entire online dating world loves kayaking. That’s right, kayaking. I mean I know people enjoy kayaking but do they enjoy it enough that it should go in a 100 word description of themselves? I can see if you are a kayak instructor, who actually carves kayaks out of wood and goes kayaking twice daily how you would want others to know that it is a big part of your life. But if you’re just a guy who enjoys kayaking every now and then what the fuck are doing putting that in your dating profile?
I thought about it and realized that since I was new to online dating perhaps there was lingo to be learned and I was just not up to snuff yet. I’m sure back in the day a lot of people asked what SWF (single white female) meant in dating classifieds. So I asked my trusty friend google to find me some kayak euphemisms. Nothing. Well perhaps it was just this particular dating site’s vernacular. I found one of the kayak profiles and contacted the person. We had a quick conversation:
me: “So you love kayaking huh?”
her: “I guess. It’s fun to get outdoors”
me: “When was the last time you went?”
her: “Oh God it’s been a couple of years”
me: “Why would you put kayaking in a self description then?”
her: “I don’t know. lol”
There has to be more to this but I don’t know where to begin my investigation. What in the world makes people want to describe themselves as kayakers when really they have probably gone kayaking a handful of times in their life? I have more questions than I do answers. This isn’t over by a longshot. I will conduct some research and get back to you. And by ‘you’ I mean me as I am the only one reading this.
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