It’s sad but I have to quit smoking. It’s eating my life away puff by beautiful puff. Why sad? Well, I enjoy smoking. It makes me look cool which is why I started. It has given me crows feet which adds to my manliness. It keeps my teeth a nice shade of dandelion. Did you know that dandelion is Crayola color number #34?
I know what you are thinking….’Crayola color #34 is Maize’. No it isn’t. It USED to be Maize but in 1990 some corporate asshat at Crayola decided to ‘retire’ maize, lemon yellow, blue gray, raw umber, green blue, orange red, orange yellow and violet blue. The very next year Pearl Jam had a hit song called ‘Jeremy’ that included the lyrics ‘lemon yellow sun’. The song supposedly was about a true story of a boy who killed himself in a school classroom. I do not know if that is really the meaning of the song but I do know that the kid who killed himself was probably distraught about Crayola getting rid of some of the best color names ever.
So anyway, smoking….I love it but it has to go. What is one to do? I have tried Zyban and it sucked. I tried eating lots of cold turkey but that didn’t work. I even tried warm and hot turkey to no avail. Why is it that everyone quits ‘cold turkey’ anyway? Does hot turkey make you want to smoke or something? Does anyone have any suggestions as to the best possible way to quit when you know how bad it is but you really love it?
If someone suggests a way and it works for me I will give you a huge surprise (to be revealed at a later date). I will also be your best friend.
