drinking

So, I was taking the subway home tonight wasted and forgot my headphones. I was too wasted to play solitaire on my phone so decided to type a blog post. I simply wrote about all the people I saw on the subway on my hour long trip. I’m not editing it nor am I even going to read what I wrote. I take no responsibility for it’s contents.

Here ya go…

It smells like a bakery in here which is odd because one, its not a bakery and two I do not see anyone eating anything resembling fresh baked anything.

This guy in the aqua blue and red striped shirt is definitely a complete scumbag

The ivy league dude talking to this girl with the huge tits is only interested in seeing her tits naked. I am too.

Why does this girl have her bicycle in the subway at 1am? Where in the fuck was she riding it? This is delancy street so she wasn’t anywhere near a park. If you have a nice bike why do you need a subway?

I hate people that talk extremely loud about things like “yo that chick was so trying to spit game to you G”. Why is it that you never hear a loud conversation about physics or political science?

I wonder if the conductor realizes that when he makes an announcement it sounds like a fart played through a distorted amplifier at a really slow speed. If he does know why does he continue to make the announcements?

Why is this dude looking at me like he’s tough? He probably is tough but I’m just some guy minding my own business. Does he think I’m a threat? If so that’s pretty cool. Perhaps he just looks like that all the time. That must suck if its true.

No weird tall guy, you can’t look at what I am typing.

Wow….no shirt guy. I had no idea you’d be out this late. Do you know the loud hispanic guys over there? They seem to be talking about you so I figured I would ask.

This guy looks normal but he’s reading a science fair pamphlet. He is either really into science fairs or he’s really bored. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s bored. I read anything too when bored.

Half way home now and these guys are louder than when I first got on. I think I’m jealous of their vociferous frivolity. Did I just type vociferous frivolity? Fuck!

Yay we’re going express I think.

Just caught a guy picking his nose knuckle deep and he is totally aware and uncomfortable. Awkward!

The guy next to him is drunk and sleeping and doing the sway. The sway is when you let your body go completely limp and it moves with every twist and turn of the subway. He wakes up for 2 to 3 seconds on the hard turns but then falls back asleep.

Bye bye bike girl. I hope you hit a rock on your bike and fly over the handle bars.

Wow loud guy number 3 has the gayest laugh ever. It is weird considering his manly demeanor.

Regular dude is still reading the science fair thingy. Wtf?!

Strange white kid with suit jacket and huge headphones enters the train. He is definitely listening to some good hard house but he is also doing faux dance moves and is obviously a bad dancer. He needs to watch my video.

Fuck we’re going local. I’m never getting home.

Never mind we’re just on the local track but we are express.

I wonder if this guy dyes his hair. He definitely uses too much hair gel. That’s definitely dye. The curtains do not match the drapes. Or do they? Does pubic hair go gray at the same rate as head hair? If he only knew what I was typing right now.

Why the fuck are we on the local track? They constantly fuck up the F and E lines on the subway and it pisses me off. I just want to get home.

Uh oh. Russian girl just eye fucked the shit out of me. I think she wants it. You’re gonna get it hottie if you don’t stop staring. Who me? Yeah me. You’re lookin right at me.

Oh snap! That dude is your boyfriend? Talk about awkward couples. You must be 4 feet taller than him. Drop that zero and get with this hero!

Dude you are a grown man. Don’t lay down across three seats and pretend you’re on your bed. Its fucking rude.

I smell cigarettes. Yum. Who the fuck is smoking. Other people smell it too…..I can see it in their eyes.

Oh boy. This dude is definitely wearing red for a reason. We got some gang activity here. Perhaps I should throw up my toiletscribble gang sign? Wait, I don’t have one.

Ok russian girl has her head all snuggled into her boyfriends shoulder yet continues to eye fuck me. That’s just rude and wrong.

Stop trying to read what I’m writing tall dude or I will fuck you up. Well, not physically but in writing anyway.

Why do all the latest sports hats have that round gold sticker attached to it? I know its a trend but its fucking stupid. Its almost as bad as when people left the tags on their hats back in the 90’s. Damn I’m old.

I could really go for some pancakes but my neighborhoos sucks for late night snacks. I’m definitely hitting up dunkin donuts.

Red outfit guy just put on his sunglasses. What a douche bag.

There is an ad in this car from the nypd. It says ‘if you see something say something’ and gives a phone number. Mental note…..tomorrow call number and say ‘I saw something. Not sure what it was but it was something and I wanted to let you know’.

So tired. 2 stops left.

I just read a post on another blog called A Second Hand Conjecture that asked an interesting question…”What presidential candidate would you want to have a drink with?”. The author chose Obama. I am voting for Obama for sure but I totally disagree with the original author as far as who I would chose to drink with. Read below to find out why.

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