politics

So Christina Aguilera is the new face of the ‘Rock the Vote’ campaign. You know, that campaign that takes uninformed famous people and ask them to try to convince uninformed young people into ‘rocking the vote’? They’d have to be uninformed young people right? I mean an informed person would already want or not want to vote for a specific reason or reasons.

Well I think Christina Aguilera should stick to wearing skimpy clothes and showing me her snatch every once and a while on TMZ. Why in the fuck would anyone want to have Christina Aguilera give them advice on politics? If I needed advice on how to look like a dirty tramp I would totally ask Christina. If I needed singing advice I would also ask her. But voting? Is it possible she even knows who is running?

I’ll tell you one thing though, I would rock my vote on those huge fucking titties of hers in a heartbeat. I’d name the left one Obama and the right one McCain and trust me, I would make those fuckers debate the issues. I’d put my ‘debate moderator’ in between them and go to town.

Seriously though, it’s fun to watch the political process but it’s also quite frustrating to watch this kind of stupidity.

If Bill O’Reilly died a painful death live on the air I would probably pop some popcorn, open a bottle of wine and watch with a huge shit eating grin. That’s probably not going to happen unfortunately. I have however, found Bill to be a useful entity. I explain why in this video.

I received a few messages today about bloggers getting arrested for….well…blogging. Weird shit right?! One story was about the increase of arrests in countries like Egypt, China and Pakistan and another was about a US citizen that was arrested in Singapore for insulting a judge on his blog. I believe he commented that the judge was ‘prostituting herself’ and obviously I don’t think he meant it literally.

In any event, I sort of feel that I need to speak out on the subject. After all I am a blogger I guess and well, it wouldn’t make me happy if I was arrested. Granted this is not a political blog and I doubt anyone wants to arrest me for helping people identify douche bags or for posting pictures of toilet graffiti. Never the less I want to show my solidarity so here we go.

I challenge the countries of Singapore, China, Egypt and Pakistan to arrest me. Why would they do so? This is why:

1. I declare that the Chinese government is comprised solely of men with penises under one inch in length. That’s right, you are all small dicked losers that obviously cannot get it up. And hell, even if you could get it up it wouldn’t have that far to go since it’s fucking tiny. Oh, and Chinese President Hu Jintao likes to wear pantyhose under his faggy military uniform. These are indisputable facts.

2. It is a known fact that Egyptian government officials are all homosexual and love to perform fellatio on donkeys.

3. True story, Pakistan government officials watch child pornography on a daily basis and love to perform re-enactments of the two girls one cup video.

4. The judge in Singapore that had that blogger arrested is not only a prostitute but she only charges $4 for anal and will go ass to mouth for an additional fifty cents.

So there ya go. I challenge these countries to hunt me down and arrest me. I also challenge that Singapore judge to find one person that wants to have sex with her.

Hey everybody. Hope you all have a fantastic Memorial Day today. Be sure to think of all those guys and girls who are over in Iraq or Afghanistan in harm’s way. If you can, perhaps donate a few dollars to a worthy cause that supports veterans please do so. My suggestion is the Navy Marine Corps Relief Fun.

Oh and also give some thought to NOT voting for John McCain in November if you were planning on it. You know, John McCain, Vietnam Veteran, P.O.W., supporter of our troops? Yeah that guy. Well Mr. McCain decided not only to not vote for the new GI BILL, he decided he wouldn’t even show up for the vote itself. And President Bush? That draft dodging assclown is going to veto the GI BILL even though it passed Senate.I don’t care if you are liberal, conservative, libertarian or communist but our troops do not deserve to be treated like slaves.

George Bush and John McCain are both complete and utter fucktards. I hope when they die they go to heaven. I hope when they get there God welcomes them with huge hugs and kisses. I hope God seats them both on two huge thrones adorned with gold and diamonds. I hope God then straps them into those throwns, forces their mouths open and watches and laughs as every soldier, sailor and marine killed in Iraq gets to line up and shit in their mouths and punch them in the stomach. McCain thought 7 years in Vietnam was bad….just wait for eternity you fucking piece of crap.

Oh so…HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!!!

I love politics but I don’t love writing about it. It isn’t funny….it’s depressing. But today a headline caught my eye and I felt compelled to scribble something down. Apparently John McCain reached out today to the blogosphere.

Sen. John McCain’s presidential campaign is trying to tap a new audience of potential voters by taking his campaign message straight to liberal and nonpolitical issues-based blogs, which reach millions of readers but don’t often delve into conservative politics.

“The plan is to take the work we’ve already built on with conservative bloggers and to open up a dialogue with non-conservative bloggers and even nonpolitical bloggers,” said Patrick Hynes, Mr. McCain’s point man for blog outreach.

Well, toiletscribble.com just so happens to be a blog and it’s definitely not conservative so I guess that includes me. I feel a little dirty saying that, ‘John McCain reached out to me’. It sounds like some kind of euphemism. But when someone takes the time to reach out you have to respond. It’s a matter of being polite.

So Mr. McCain, if you are reading, please consider this post my response to your call to the blogosphere.

I sincerely hope that in the next few days you develop a severe case of gonorrhea and it is so bad you have to drop out of the campaign. I hope that as a result of your gonorrhea some reporter starts digging into your love life and uncovers that you are gay and actually secretly married to a 3 foot horse jockey named Jose in Vermont. I hope that on the night of your defeat in November as you walk on stage to concede the race to Obama that your pants fall down and cause you to trip and it is revealed that you wear pink speedo underwear with a bullseye printed on the back.

While I salute your service to this country we just do not need another shortsighted right-wing ass clown in the White House. In fact I think Bush has squandered all of our ass clown tolerance for the next 50 years or so. To your credit you can actually speak in full sentences and you can probably point to the United States on a map but that is not what makes a President.

Again, thank you for reaching out to me and thank you for accepting my reach around.

So I am going to start mixing in some videos in an effort to keep people amused and hopefully somebody will actually watch it. I plan on one a day and it shouldn’t be hard considering they will be like one minute in length. So here ya go..

Oh and don’t bother telling me it sucks. It’s the first damn video…they will get better.

I have had the ability to tell the future since I was a kid. When I was four I predicted I would one day turn five and it came true. Ever since then it has been a crazy ride. My sixth sense must have kicked into overdrive when I wrote this post a week or so back. The post was entitled “Bottom Ten Reasons to Vote for Obama” and reason number 7 was quite prophetic. I will quote myself (how friggin’ cool is that? Quoting yourself??? WOW):

7. You had a dream that Obama, Hillary and McCain were all WWF wrestlers. They were in a three way steel cage match. Obama snuck in a foreign object (some white powder from Mr Fuji) and blinded Hillary with it. He then proceeded to ravage McCain with blows to the skull until he was unconscious. He then picked up McCain and used him like a human baseball bat and beat Hillary senseless. You thought this showed courage and ingenuity. You also thought his deal with Mr. Fuji showed foreign policy expertise.

I figured that was some “waaaay out there shit” to write and well, therefore, I wrote it. Well, I don’t know if someone from the WWE reads this blog or not but I was watching some horrible Entertainment TV program today and I nearly shit myself when they showed some clips from the following video:

So there you have it…I can predict the future. Feel free to ask about YOUR future in the comments and I will respond truthfully whether the news is good or bad.

Politicians just want your votes. They could give two shits about your problems or concerns once they get elected. Time and time again we elect politicians based on what they say they are going to do for us and time and time again they shit on us once elected.

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I’m voting for Obama. I am all about hope and he is hope incarnate. He lost some points with me when he quit smoking though but still he is without a doubt getting my vote. Liking a candidate because they smoke is pretty stupid in the first place which made me think, what are the bottom ten reasons to vote for Obama?

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War sucks. I do not mean the card game, I play that quite a bit and love it. I mean war as in bombs, dead people, bullets, and dumb presidents. I would say that if you polled the entire planet today as to whether war was a good thing or a bad thing you would have an overwhelming response saying it is BAD.
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