Questions

Well, this Ask Fitz question is definitely a loaded one (with silicone). But let’s take a stab at it anyway OK? OK. The infamous Krys Lee asks:

Hi Fitz,
My question is, do you believe that fake tits are as attractive as real ones?

This is obviously something that is subjective and many people will have different answers. Can fake boobs be as attractive as real ones? Sure! Do most women get over zealous when getting a boob job? YES! Most men, in my opinion, do not want their ideal partner to have Triple F tits. They are not fun, attractive or useful. They draw attention, get in the way and are just plain unattractive.

Most women are so busy listening to society tell them that they’re boobs are too small that they can’t hear men telling them they look fantastic just the way they are. I had been in relationships with women with boobs from large to tiny. All were real and all were fantastic. That being said, I don’t think it’s terrible if a woman wants a boob job to boost her self esteem. Just don’t make yourself look ANYTHING like the pictures below.

Erika of http://spillitnow.blogspot.com fame fame asks:

Question Fitz,

Since this is Toilet scribble dot com, have you ever filmed form the bathroom, or god forbid the toilet? If not, why don’t you give it a go!

Actually Erika, I have done it and I don’t know why I do not do it more often. here ya go:

Also, I will start filming my new videos from the shitter as well. You’re right, it’s ToiletScribble.com not standinyourbedroom.com

The ask fitz link has been lighting up in the past few days and I can barely keep up. So let’s get one out of the way shall we? Yes we shall.

Cory, from http://www.these-are-words.blogspot.com/ asks the following:

Question Fitz, have you ever been to a rave? If you have, how was it? And if you haven’t, why the fuck not?

And do you have any tips for making a blog more popular? (other than “Make more posts, dumbshit)

A rave huh? Well first off, I love techno, house, hard house, deep trance, hard trance, break beat, etc, etc. I think it’s because I play the drums and most electronic based music revolves around the beat. I also love songs that can take you somewhere in your head and actually change your mood, songs that you connect with emotionally. For example, I can listen to Pantera and actually feel like I want to rip someone’s fucking head off. I can listen to a hard house track by Commander Tom and at times feel the hair raising on my arms and back.

Now I don’t know if this qualifies as a ‘rave’ in the true sense of the word but I have gone to Ibiza. Not only that but I went there specifically for the music. This was in 2000 and it was AMAZING. There was literally 24/7 music events at hundreds of clubs and each one had a several famous DJs spinning. From Armand Van Buuren to Danny Tenaglia to Tiesto to Sasha and Digweed. It was insane!! And the clubs there are something you have to witness to appreciate.

There was one night at Club Manumission where the DJ was spinning from a platform that was in the middle of an Olympic sized swimming pool. He had some crazy trance song going with a huge breakdown in the middle. The song built back up to a furious crescendo and just before he kicked it back in the house lights went dark, several thousand people lit sparklers, the DJ looked at the crowd of nearly 9000 people, threw his hands up in the air and then swung them down as he kicked the track back in. THE PLACE ERUPTED!!! No drugs needed….pure musical ‘high’.

As for how to make a blog more popular, hmmm don’t really know. I think the main thing is to just be yourself. Don’t even try to make it popular. If you have whacky shit on your mind just write it down, post it and let it fly. If you want to try to get some good traffic you can submit your stuff to stumbleupon or digg.com or any of those social networking sites. Also, encourage people to comment and make sure you engage people in the comments. I mean after all a blog is more of a discussion than anything right? Otherwise just keep a diary lol.

Let’s switch things up a little and answer some questions in a video instead of text. This video runs a little long at 9 minutes. I’m sure 7 minutes of it should have been left on the cutting room floor but I don’t have a cutting room and besides, I get naked at the end of it so it’s worth the wait.

Someone named Byron asked me the following:

Hey fitz, great site! This isn’t toilet related but what are some of your favorite music artists or songs?

Well Byron, I went over to imeem.com and created a playlist with a few of my fave songs of all time. Most are old some are new. Enjoy!

Toiletscribble reader Helen used the Ask Fitz feature and asked a very interesting question.

Why does my vagina hurt when I touch my toe?

Well Helen, you are quite lucky as I am an amateur gynecologist. Not only that but this is quite common. What has happened is that your cli joint has been worn down and now your toris bone is touching your toe bone.

It’s sort of like that song that goes “The knee bone is connected to the….leg bone”. However in this version of the song it’s “The toris bone is connected to the ……vagina”. Anyway, my recommendation is lots of sex. Hopefully you curl your toes during sex and that should get your cli joint back into shape.

Today at work I challenged two people to read any line from the Braveheart script and I would tell them the next line. I was not stumped once out of at least twenty attempts. I’m not proud. But it made me think about useless skills. I wonder how many other useless skills I have that I did not realize I had.

Do you have any useless skills? Please tell me about them because I want to know.

Hello all and welcome once again to ‘Ask Fitz’. Today I am fielding a question from Kyle Day who writes:

WHY DOES MY PENIS HURT?

Well Kyle, you are not giving me a lot of information here so I am going to just give you my top ten guesses. Before I begin though I would like to say that I feel for you my man. That has to suck a bit to have a penis in pain. I hope you get it straightened out.

So here you go, my ten possibilities for your painful penis.
1.You are jerking off 7 times a day. This is probably overkill and unless you stop interrogating the political prisoner so often you will continue to be in pain.
2. You accidentally cut your penis off and the pain you feel is just what they call ‘Ghost Pain’. In other words your body thinks your penis is still there but it is not. Just relax. If this is the case it will go away eventually and you will be penisless but no longer in pain. If this is what happened I am not sure why you didn’t realize that your penis was cut off.

3. While you slept someone hit you in the penis with a blunt object. You were probably drunk at the time and didn’t feel a thing but trust me….it hurt.

4. You were golfing and decided to use the ball washer in ways it was not meant to be used. Shame on you Kyle….shame.

5. You have taken an overdose of Cyallis or Viagra and your penis in not too happy with you. If you watched the commercials or read the bottle you would have known that erections lasting for more than 4 hours are not normal. You need to cut back on the meds and just get your boner the old fashioned way……porn.

6. You are wearing a rusty, sharp edged, male chastity belt. Stick to boxers.

7. Your best friend is having some sort of penis problems and you are having sympathy pains.

8. You had sex with a filthy hooker and you now have a communicable and painful disease. Always double bag the hog my friend.

9. You forgot to take off your cock ring.

10. Two words….Penis Pump.

Lindsey from omgpossum.com asks the following:

Which is better in your opinion: steak or sex?

Wow, tough question. Let’s take them one at a time. So you sit down with a nice piece of meat. You stare at it for a bit. You look at how juicy it is. You slice into into it. You put it in your mouth. You close your eyes and groan because it tastes so fucking good. Now let’s talk about steak.

But seriously, I love a great steak and all but I will take good sex over a good steak any day. On a perfect day I would have both and not have to chose between one or the other.