sex

Firstly, let me apologize for my lack of posts in the past couple of days. I am in the middle of changing jobs and shit is a bit crazy. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

So apparently watermelon is about to become pretty damned popular with people who have erectile dysfunction or anyone wanting some ‘viagra like’ action. This article states that watermelon can give you some of the very same benefits as Viagra. I don’t know about you but I think I’m going to buy me a big old hunk of watermelon. Now if they could just grow some oranges that had the same benefits as Extenze and some apples that had the same benefits as Cyalis I would probably become a vegetarian!

Let’s switch things up a little and answer some questions in a video instead of text. This video runs a little long at 9 minutes. I’m sure 7 minutes of it should have been left on the cutting room floor but I don’t have a cutting room and besides, I get naked at the end of it so it’s worth the wait.

Apparently there are people out there that have never heard the term ‘donkey punch’. There are others that don’t know what a ‘Cleavland bow tie’ is. Can you believe it? I couldn’t either. So let’s get educated shall we? Let us start a journey into the land of weird sexual terms and see where it takes us. We’ll call it “Kinkology 101″.

Let’s kick off the “Kinkology” series with the word Blumby! It’s fun to say. Say it out loud real quick….blumby. Fun right? Ok let’s talk about it shall we?

I know Julie of the dating wall of shame should appreciate this video. This time around I talk about the fact that even though sex is critically important to a successful relationship dating sites ignore it almost completely.

This video is a little but all over the place but I don’t give a shit. Watch it and make some comments or I will hunt you down like the animal you are!

Hello all and welcome once again to ‘Ask Fitz’. Today I am fielding a question from Kyle Day who writes:

WHY DOES MY PENIS HURT?

Well Kyle, you are not giving me a lot of information here so I am going to just give you my top ten guesses. Before I begin though I would like to say that I feel for you my man. That has to suck a bit to have a penis in pain. I hope you get it straightened out.

So here you go, my ten possibilities for your painful penis.
1.You are jerking off 7 times a day. This is probably overkill and unless you stop interrogating the political prisoner so often you will continue to be in pain.
2. You accidentally cut your penis off and the pain you feel is just what they call ‘Ghost Pain’. In other words your body thinks your penis is still there but it is not. Just relax. If this is the case it will go away eventually and you will be penisless but no longer in pain. If this is what happened I am not sure why you didn’t realize that your penis was cut off.

3. While you slept someone hit you in the penis with a blunt object. You were probably drunk at the time and didn’t feel a thing but trust me….it hurt.

4. You were golfing and decided to use the ball washer in ways it was not meant to be used. Shame on you Kyle….shame.

5. You have taken an overdose of Cyallis or Viagra and your penis in not too happy with you. If you watched the commercials or read the bottle you would have known that erections lasting for more than 4 hours are not normal. You need to cut back on the meds and just get your boner the old fashioned way……porn.

6. You are wearing a rusty, sharp edged, male chastity belt. Stick to boxers.

7. Your best friend is having some sort of penis problems and you are having sympathy pains.

8. You had sex with a filthy hooker and you now have a communicable and painful disease. Always double bag the hog my friend.

9. You forgot to take off your cock ring.

10. Two words….Penis Pump.

Lindsey from omgpossum.com asks the following:

Which is better in your opinion: steak or sex?

Wow, tough question. Let’s take them one at a time. So you sit down with a nice piece of meat. You stare at it for a bit. You look at how juicy it is. You slice into into it. You put it in your mouth. You close your eyes and groan because it tastes so fucking good. Now let’s talk about steak.

But seriously, I love a great steak and all but I will take good sex over a good steak any day. On a perfect day I would have both and not have to chose between one or the other.

I have read about the Butt Sex Jihad many times and I always thought it was fake. Well, when I saw this the other night my asshole cliched up tighter than a ….well….something really tight. Apparently the BSJ is for real and we should all be very afraid. VERY AFRAID! Be on the look out for the guy pictured below. Anyone have any run ins with any BSJ ‘members’?

Mr. Fabulous runs pointless-drivel.com. He is a fellow flogger and a damned good funny one. Basically, picture me in 10 years and you have Mr. Fabulous (although I am already quite fabulous at 36). If you like laughing you should check it out. If you don’t like laughing you should put a plastic bag over your head and go for a jog. HAHA! I’m kidding about the jog but seriously…you should do it. In his latest post Mr. Fabulous expresses his dismay at the lack of ‘killer robots’ in today’s society.  He asks the question “Where are the killer robots”?

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With all of the sex scandals in the news these past few weeks I have been doing some thinking. Sex is legal. Paying for things is legal. Paying someone to have sex in a X rated film is legal. Well, why is paying for sex when it is not being filmed illegal?

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