Toilet Scribble

And furthermore, why can I go on any of these millions of porn page listing sites and find every possible act of sweaty fetishist filth, yet not a single one is oh I don’t know… Boyfriend/Girlfriend Making Out or Tickling or Romantic Dinners? I can go on any of these sites and find at LEAST 30 listings for very decently produced Two Handed Demon Fisting and Hairless Fecal Gargling which OF COURSE everyone is into, but try and search some hand-holding and suddenly no one is getting off? What are some of the first things you seek to accomplish on a first date? Hand holding, a kiss maybe, some deep thoughts and giggling? Okay Fitz, it’s time to combine a free porn listing site with a successful dating site. Finally everyone will learn how to love AND get off with the same person consistently!

Sexual compatibility is crucial for a successful relationship. People might like to think it’s not but they would be wrong. Very wrong.

I’m not so hot on the idea of posting sex(act) preferences on a dating site. I’d rather that conversation be between me and the person I’d like to have sex with. Hell, I think it’s arousing to talk about what we’d get off on. I’d lose all that fun if I just blatantly put “Oh, and I like anal” on a profile. Plus, wouldn’t every douchebag on the site be like – hey, I have to write to her, she likes it up the ass. Gods, I can only imagine how many people I’d want to kill.

There are all sorts of “dating” sites that are solely set up for sexual wants/needs. You have to get out more Fitz!

I think a dirty-word-meaning video is definitely called for! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a lot of the slang…I need a refresher course.

!–OMG KRYSTIANNE HAIRLESS FECAL GARGLING.

nice gash, buddy. also if you miss the cigarette it looks like your pants are on fire. speaking of pants on fire: if you’re proposing that level of openness, there should definitely be a pull-down menu of previously contracted venereal diseases in the ‘profile basics’ section (perhaps between astrological sign and income?) with boxes you can check if they’ve cleared up. ..anyway, i’ve gotta go edit my profile.

oh wait i have to add something [<--douchebaggettish]

charlotte– i definitely agree that omitting smut from dating profiles is a preventitive measure against an onslaught of douchebags. my preferred defense mechanism is eloquence – it really scares ‘em off!

for example:

dOuChEbAG1039587XxX: wut up gurl nyce i’s
Sabrina: Nothing really, Douchebag! Being a Cosmetologist often presents occupational hazards, as it sometimes exposes me to harmful chemicals, such as Formalin, which is a derivative of Formaldehyde and is used in Brazilian and Japanese Hair Straightenings. Although I worked closely with two such clients today, I somehow managed to persevere and am now feeling quite morose.
Sabrina: …Hello?
*dOuChEbAG1039587XxX’s IM Window is Closed*

I completely agree that sexual preferences should be discussed early on – if you’re not compatible in bed, no amount of conversing, hand-holding or similar music/ movie tastes can compensate.

I agree with Charlotte, though, that posting your preferences on your profile is only inviting an email box full of responses from guys who completely overlooked that you have an advanced degree in biochemistry, or that you want someone who is also a vegan, or whatever else it is that you might also be looking for in a partner.

Also, simply posting your preferences doesn’t address the issue of quality of sex at all! Maybe there should be some sort of independent rating service! Obviously exes can be counted on to provide unbiased reviews.

Then you have the issues of size and staying power. As with everything else, it’s a complete package. You can both enjoy the same sexual acts, but if you can’t tell if the guy is inside of you or not because of a size issue, or if he lasts all of two seconds, the type of act you’re sharing makes no difference at all! I know we’re all supposed to walk around saying that size doesn’t matter – and for guys within the average range, that’s true, but let’s face it – for someone on the smaller than average size, it can make a difference. The same goes for staying power. I don’t needs someone who can go all night long, but a little longer than “Oh my god that feels good – OH MY GOD – thanks, that was great! ” is definitely on my list of requirements.

OK that’s enough – did I hit the frank honesty mark, or did I step over the line into douchbagette status?

juliemccoy recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..Sex or Chocolate vs. Sex or Steak

Hmm, maybe not a revealing section telling the world what gets you off, due to guys/girls messaging you only to ask about that, but perhaps a kink-o-meter? like 1 through 10, 1 being a nun and 10 being one of the chicks from 2 girls 1 cup? Then prudes can be prudes and wild nymphos can be themselves too. While we’re at it, I think there should also be a meter to show how dom/sub you are. I’m more sub than dom, and I dated a sub awhile ago and it pissed me off because she wanted complete domination, and I wanted her to reciprocate, but her way of getting into it was to lie still and not do anything, so I would roll over and go to bed lol. That was time wasted. So that’s my take on it.
-Ryan

^ is still a virgin at 22, and is saving himself for marriage.
Seriously.

I am excited, Fitz, to hear your upcoming series of Kinkology videos. I have much to learn!!

I feel old because I have no idea what the hell most of these things are. Fitz, please hurry with the sex phrase tutorial! Also, I haven’t smoked in 4 years and this video made me long for a smoke like nothing else in that time! (sigh)

So many comments so little time!!

Krys Lee – Hairless Fecal Gargling??? Will you marry me? Will you help me run this new porn/dating site you suggested?

Sabrina – My pants were not on fire, I am just SMOKING HOT!

Julie – You crack me up. But you are on to something with the exes rating you and things of that nature. The problem would be that most bad breakups would lead to your exes just lying and saying that you sucked in bed and had a 1 inch penis.

Ryan – a kink-o-meter and a sub/dom-o-meter is a fantastic idea. I think I need to start a dating site after all.

charlotte – Why should I get out more? It’s scary out there. I want to remain safe.

Ricky – Stick around brother. You are going to learn some serious shit over the next couple of weeks. You’ll have the ladies eating out of your hands…..and other places too!

Dawn – Don’t feel old. I’m going to get you up to speed and then introduce you to Ricky. You guys are going to get along great together!

Yeah so marriage definitely not my thing, and completely goes against the ENTIRE idea of this soon to be smash hit of a vice-filled servicing website. OF COURSE I will help, neither one of us can even dream to do something this philanthropically filthy alone. Anyway, Sabrina and I have big plans for one of your tutorial videos, obviously dedicated to Hairless Fecal Gargling and the many erotic techniques. This in NO WAY will resemble the Two Girls One Cup video, so put that straight out of your mind. First I have to tell Sabrina though…

Krys Lee – Haha Two girls one cup. Classic. I laughed the whole time I was watching that video. After Tub Girl, I don’t think anything can gross me out anymore.

Ricky – My husband also waited till he found “the one” (me, duh.) Honestly, I thought it was a bit weird at first, but now I think it is wonderful if you can pull it off. Nothing makes you feel more special, than knowing that your husband waited for you, and that you will be the only person he shares that act with. And while, most of the things Fitz is going to talk about are supposed to happen in conjunction with sex, fear not. I’m sure we can twist em so they can be usable for you too!

Fitz – I think on AdultFriendFinder.com and sites like that you list your kinks and likes and needs. But on a typical dating site there isn’t a space for that because typically people look for someone they can connect with mentally, or at least tolerate, before dealing with the sex issue. I agree that if the sex sucks, the relationship isn’t going to last. But there is so much more room for improvement in that area. You can try to spice things up with new positions, or a multitude of toys, or creams/oils, food products… If there is no mental connection, then there is nothing you can do to change that. The best relationship you can have, is with someone who is your best friend. You love to hang out with them, they make you laugh, you can have long intellectual conversations with them, so on and so forth. AND have that person be someone you want to touch all the time. Not just for sex. But someone you literally feel drawn to be close to all the time. And THEN also someone you want to fuck until you are dehydrated and bruised and need to be hospitalized for exhaustion. If the sex comes first, the relationship will burn out quickly, because chances are that will be the majority of the substance of the relationship.
Also – just because you both enjoy donkey punching doesn’t mean there will be any chemistry. It’s the old “perfect on paper” scenario. In my dating days (seriously Julie, I’ve got so many stories for your site) I saw many men who I felt like I SHOULD like because they were perfect on paper, but I just wasn’t attracted to. There is no salvaging a relationship then. I might love your brain and your life, and we may have talked in depth about how much we both love certain sexual acts. But if that chemistry isn’t there, then I’m still going to gag into your mouth when you try to kiss me.

Lastly Fitz. It is alright to need three fingers in your ass to get off. But maybe girls would be more receptive to the idea if you offered them surgical gloves to wear while doing it.

Danielle recently scribbled the following on their toilet (I mean blog)..Summer in Chicago means Construction and Weddings.

Danielle – Well said! I agree with you. The line “But if that chemistry isn’t there, then I’m still going to gag into your mouth when you try to kiss me” made me crack up!