So my co-worker Jarret enjoyed my post entitled “Drunken Subway Thoughts“. He remarked that he was positive I must have edited it before posting though as it was nearly devoid of spelling mistakes. I assured him it was not edited and even showed him that it was posted at 3:45am when I obviously had not sobered up yet. Well, I don’t know what it will prove but I decided to try a sober subway thoughts post just to see what the difference was. I’ll let you be the judge as to whether there is any difference at all.
And off we go….
Hello bald dude in suit and tie. Move your fucking leg so I can sit down. Did you think I wouldn’t ask you to move your leg and you’d have two seats to yourself you fucking douche nozzle?
You can always tell when people that come from money are on the train. They never know where they are or how to get there. They always have this look on their face like ‘I can’t believe I am down here with these people’. I wonder if this rich bitch across from me missed her limo or something. She definitely does not belong in here with us.
I sometimes nod off on the way home if I manage to get a seat. What amazes me are people who can full on sleep while sitting. They aren’t nodding off they are passed out. Snoring even. And yet they always manage to wake up at their stop. The human brain is fucking powerful. Its a shame we don’t use it more.
By the way, dude that wouldn’t let me sit is wearing the fakest watch ever. Its one of those huge watches. I can’t see the name on it but I can assure you it is something like ‘Rorex’ or ‘Roelex’.
Do you talk loud when in a conversation with a friend while on a subway or a bus? I don’t. I don’t know that it is a wrong thing to do per se but it always shocks me that people would want complete strangers to hear about their personal life. The girl two seats down from me just said ‘motherfucker aint got no kinda schoolin’ anyways. Bitch needs to stay the fuck out my life or get dealt with. Just becuz he be my baby’s daddy don’t mean shit besides he’s my baby’s daddy’. This may sound made up but it’s not. Trust me, anyone that rides the subway has probably heard something similar to this. I know I have heard far worse.
Wow! Perfect timing. 5th avenue e train homeless guy is on the train. He has lived in the 5th ave stop since at least 1999. I know because I have seen him there since that long ago. He is special in that he reads the newspaper every day, finds a popular story and then comes up with a short quip about the story that he repeats to commuters all day. For example, he once yelled to me “Dr Phil will help Lyndsay remove her chemical euphoria. If Dr Phil says so it must be true’. I don’t know what exactly he meant by it or if he even meant anything but he is my favorite bum. I actually once thought he would make an excellent blog source. Every day I could video him saying his daily quote. Trust me it would be awesome. This is my first time seeing him on a train and not in a station and he is unfortunately quite silent. Perhaps the station is what he considers his ‘workplace’ and the train is his ‘home’.
Unless you shuck oysters for a living, work in a swamp, or are on a beach you should not be wearing ‘crocs’. These are not every day shoes. They are not even shoes they are crocs! Fucking aye people!
Subway etiquette rule #5, take off your mountainclimber backpack when you get on a crowded train. Every time you turn your body you almost fucking kill someone. Why the fuck do you even need a backpack that big? How long are you going to be out that you need a backpack capable of holding an entire set of encyclopedias. Backpack dude, you are a douche.
